The Word

I've been reading "The Imitation of Christ" a little here and there lately, and I've really loved it. It's a devotional book written by a monk in the 1300s. It's been especially good for someone being in ministry. The guy talks a lot about making sure you don't replace intellectual study with care of your own soul.

"I would rather feel contrition than know how to define it. For what would it profit us to know the whole Bible by heart and the principles of all the philosophers, if we live without grace and the love of God?"

The Bible is not just for information, but transformation. (not from the book)

It's so easy to have a theoretical faith, I think. I don't want my faith to be theoretical or intellectual. I want it to affect my soul, my mindset, the way I view people, the way I view life. Sadly, sometimes that takes effort. Instead of studying Greek words in a text, I'm trying to ask what practical implication it has for my life. That can be difficult when I study the Bible upwards of six hours a day in school. But I have to, or I'll get spiritually sick.

The reason it took so long for me to become a Christian is because I knew many people who talked about God on Sundays, but then it was like He went on vacation the rest of the week. I wanted nothing to do with that. I couldn't flirt with God, I knew I needed to marry Him.

I love God. I think He wants me to live out His Word not just in the letter, but in the heart. I'm striving to "be an imitator of God" (Eph. 5) when I approach the Word. Instead of asking "What does this mean?" and stopping there, I want to ask "How can I be more like my Father?"

I love that approach.

How do you read the Bible?

Sinus Infection... Or Something

Yes, I'm very sick. I'm feeling a little better right now, but last night I was miserable. I laid on the couch with a pounding headache that wouldn't go away for a long while, and I could hardly breathe. I hate being sick, because I never get just a "little" sick. I usually feel like death is coming for a day or two, and then it just goes away. As I laid there, all I could think about was how much my head hurt and how nothing seems to be making it feel better. I was dreading going to sleep that night, wondering if I would sleep at all. At that time it seemed like I was always going to be sick, like it would never get better and I would always have this stupid headache.

And then I thought of Jesus. While last night for me felt like Hell, it was small beans compared to His last few days before His burial. I couldn't think about anything but the pain last night. But I wonder what Jesus thought about? I wonder how powerful His love must be to sit there and continually take it in that painful haze of beating beaten and made fun of, betrayed and tortured. It wasn't glorious or neat. It was messy. And it hurt.


I can't even imagine being that sick to help another person, let alone dying gruesomely for someone. Jesus always puts things in perspective, doesn't He?

Any time I start thinking I'm a big deal, I look at the cross and realize I put Him there. When I start beating myself up and feeling guilty, I look at the cross and see how much God loves me and wants to forgive me. And when I start feeling stale about my spirituality, like I'm bored with it or that I just don't feel very passionate that day... I always go back to the cross. I have to sit and think about how much trouble God went through to bring people back to Him. He gave up so much, because He loves us. I can at least put a little effort into praying when I don't feel like it, or reading my Bible when it feels dull.

I love the cross of Christ, because every day it gives absolute meaning and purpose to my life.

Church Buildings

I guess it's good that few people read this blog, because I think this post would make people angry.

I have a lot of personal heroes in the faith from history. Jesus gave up all He had in Heaven to give His life to this fallen human race so He could love us and bring us to God. Dietrich Bonhoeffer gave up a wealthy lifestyle to help lead the underground church in Nazi Germany. Mother Teresa gave up her life to help people who were at the bottom of the barrel of life's sufferings.

Jesus told the rich man who wanted to go to Heaven to sell all he had, but the guy just went away depressed because he owned so much. Then Jesus said it was extremely difficult for rich people to make it into the Kingdom. Which, looking at the standard of wealth at that time is nothing in comparison to the standard of wealth in the States.


And then I walk into most church buildings today in America. I think I'm judgmental... I have a big problem with it. I can't walk into expensive church buildings with fountains, expensive decorations, coffee shops, cool logos and lightshows without thinking about how many missionaries all that money could support. Or how many poor families could use that money to help pay rent, mortgages, and taxes. I wish I looked at my own money and thought, "I wonder how much I can save so I can help other people?"

Today someone was talking to me about expensive church buildings he saw, and a look of disgust grew on my face as he was speaking. He got pretty firm with me and told me I shouldn't judge, because those people have good hearts and they want to use it all for ministry and honoring God. He's probably right. I think most Christians have good hearts, and I have no place to ever question that.

But it still bothers me. I still don't get it. Reading the Bible and looking at Jesus' life, it's hard for me to look up and find a connection to what I see in megachurches and the Bible. I'm not saying big churches are evil, but I can't help wondering if we have our priorities a little mixed up.

I remember looking at the flashy (and gorgeous) Catholic church buildings in Mexico City and just being so confused. A gold cross? The cross was a wooden torture stick used for the worst punishment imaginable, and now we wear it as jewelry. Seems to me like it's kind of like having a tattoo of an electric chair on your arm or something.

Maybe someone needs to explain it to me better. It's just hard for me to imagine Jesus attending a big Church seeing all "God's money" spent on so much flash. It makes me sick to even think about...


I wonder how much money is spent on something that happens one hour a week.


It's not like I'm much better. Any time I get shocked by something, I always have to look inwardly. How do I spend my money? Because it's God's money, too. I really want an iPhone, but I know I shouldn't spend my money on it. Not because it's evil... but because I don't need it. I can help people with that money, but instead I want to feed ME. Yuck. I wish I could really be like Jesus... not judging others yet still pouring my life out to others asking nothing in return. One step at a time, I suppose. God help me.

Any thoughts?

Late Night Ranting

I have a lot of homework to do, yet here I am. Blogging. Oh well. I think maybe only three people read this anyway, but it gives me an excuse to write. :)

I feel kind of down, though I don't really have a reason to be. AIM starts this Saturday. Forty-five or so young people will be coming to train to become better disciples of Jesus, and then sent out around the world in eight months to work under a missionary. I love AIM, and it's weird to think I'm one of the people that help train them.

I feel out of sorts lately. I think life just gets more and more complicated sometimes. The longer I'm alive the more I see drama between people, including myself. All the questions like who I'm going to marry and what I'm going to do with the rest of my life and if I'll be a good dad come surging into mind every once in a while. Life gets hard. People hurt each other, and sin creeps in to all of us. I hate it all, and sometimes I just want to go home. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed with life.

I'm constantly reminded that this is when "let go and let God" becomes less like a cliche and more like reality. That sounds nice and everything, but what does it mean? It means I don't have the answer to most of my questions about life, but God loves me and He's there for me anyway.

I once met an adamant atheist on a plane who tried to grill me on every scientific question about the Bible. We finally got to dinosaurs, and he got a little heated. I stopped, smiled, shrugged my shoulders and told him I didn't have the answers. But God does. He calmed down a little, and then quite passionately told me that all the other Christians he talked to said they had all the answers. I plainly told him they were liars, because only God has those. He's revealed to us what we need to know, and part of faith is accepting that that's enough. It gives me comfort to know I'm not God, and that He has all the answers.


It's so hard to be called a minister when you are constantly faced with your own selfishness and laziness. There were times in Russia I tried to find a way out of going to the homeless ministry I started. I had been selfish and lazy that week, and didn't feel worthy to lead an example to other people. And no matter how hard I try to put my sinful part to death, it always seems to boil over anyway.

But I love this, too, because it makes the cross mean something to me. Every once in a while I get just delusional enough to think I'm some kind of big deal. But I'm not, and when this hits me hard in the chest the only response I can have is to kneel very low to the cross and appeal to God's loving sacrifice He made through His Son. I love that place, because it's the only place that life makes sense.

It's there that I realize that I do in fact hurt God, but the good news is that everybody does, and God loves us anyway. Through Christ God makes jerks like me good enough, and that gives me enough determination to get up with even more fervor and keep going... because I love Him.

"If These Kids Die..."

I've been living in Miami the last six weeks working with a Church here. I've been able to do lots of things, but I've really been able to mentor three guys closely: Danny, Patrick, and Josh. All three of them decided to follow Jesus this summer and get baptized. It's been an awesome experience to see them so hungry to follow God and live for Jesus in the environment they live in.


Today we went to MacDonald's together to get some dinner. We were studying the Bible, and Danny wanted to know if kids go to Heaven. I explained to him how there's a point when kids get old enough that they really know right from wrong and are held accountable. Kids do wrong things, but they just copy what they see others do. It's when they get old enough to be independent, they can actually distinguish right from wrong, feel guilty, and be responsible for their choices.

There were some little kids playing in the PlayPlace right next to us. So, in order to illustrate my point, I pointed behind my shoulder and said loudly that for example, "If these kids die, they're going to Heaven." But right as I said this, their mother happened to walk right by me and looked at me with a face of sheer horror. The funny thing is, I think the only part she heard was "If these kids die" as I pointed at her little children. I waved and smiled afterward trying to show I wasn't a child killer or something, but she still looked horrified.

The guys were laughing, but I felt so embarrassed.

Postmodernism VS Conservatism

Note: I apologize for these definitions, because I know they are broad and not entirely accurate. But they're the best I can come up with. In this entry I am not speaking of all things or people labeled as "conservative" or "postmodern". I am dealing mostly with what I see in the religious arena, especially the extremes. I have been called both postmodern and conservative before, so I realize that labels can be deceiving. Instead, I'm dealing with two overall mindsets I see in American Christian society and their implications.


In the religious world:

Postmodernism: A prevailing mindset that spirituality is more important than truth. If something makes you a better, more spiritual, and loving person, then the means that made you that way are mostly insignificant. When truth and love battle, love always wins.

Conservatism: Keep things the way they've "always been". As long as we believe it is true, the implications are mostly insignificant. Facts are more important than people. When truth and love battle, truth always wins.

Believing things because they were true used to be a prevailing thought. If it's true, it has to work. And throughout history we have seen people misuse things that were "true" in order to hurt other people. Many Americans hate Christians because they have seen many arrogant, judgmental, and abrasive people shove their faith in others' faces. "If this is truth, I don't want it", many non-Christians would say.

In the postmodern mindset, if something works it has to be true. If there is some inconsistency with the Bible, tradition, systematic theology, or any other idea then people just point at the results. For example, if a Buddhist idea helps you to treat others better and live life more spiritually, it's not really that big a deal if it somehow contradicts with Christianity (or at least the common perception of "Christianity", they'd say).

It is my opinion that both of these mindset have strengths and weaknesses, but they are both extremely dangerous. Both bring down the Supremacy of Christ (His Redemption and Teachings) in order to establish something else: a human idea.

Conservatism

Many people are sick of the conservative mindset, and so am I. People are tired of seeing private agendas, pride, and tradition being pushed through the religious and social arena. People are tired of abrasive people who are more concerned with facts than people. Pride is disgusting when shown, and most people have seen someone argue something that was true, but in a manner that showed they cared more about their idea than the person they were talking to. I used to do this a lot. I think that many evangelicals have misinterpreted key Scriptures in the Bible, so I made it my goal to "correct" them. However, I had a "me vs. them" mentality that was disgusting. Instead of assisting my fellow human being get closer to God because I loved them deeply, I was passionate about an idea. I think the primary problem with the conservative mindset is that truth and facts are set up as priority, rather than people.

This is seen in Churches chastising people for being different, not forgiving others' public sins, giving up friendships because of disagreements in theology, and anything in between. The Pharisees did those things, and Jesus slammed them for it. The Bible says that "Mercy triumphs over judgment", but I'm afraid many get it backwards. In doing so they (including myself) have denied the essence of Jesus' Message in order to establish the letter. This is scary, and we see the repercussions of this in America. (For example, if I even mention I'm a Christian to a stranger I'm prepared to see a look of disappointment, disgust, or even anger.)

Postmodernism

There's so much of postmodernism that I love. Much of my life as a Christian I viewed the Scriptures as a law book. But it's not. We were freed from the law, in order to live by faith (Gal. 3:24-25). Books like Velvet Elvis and Blue Like Jazz both helped me to expand my spirituality to consider the implications and essence of living for Jesus, rather than just the facts. They helped me to move my faith from theoretical to practical, and I love that. Too many people go to Church on Sunday, but that's where their faith stays. Postmodernism calls people to move their faith away from ritual to reality.

However, in an effort to bring faith into practice many have abandoned the truth of faith altogether. In order to make faith practical, many have discarded the idea that Jesus can be the only way to Heaven. As I said in the definitions: if truth and love battle, love wins. To say Jesus is the only way to Heaven condemns a lot of people. "That's not love", they would say. But it's really no love at all to "accept" other teachings that bring down what Jesus did on the cross for all people, everywhere. Jesus didn't come to bring another idea, He came to rescue people from sin. And He is the only way. Many see that as bigotry, but it's a free gift! It's an expression of God that mankind can be forgiven and not condemned. I don't see what's unloving about God becoming a person, pouring out all He was for His beloved creation, dying gruesomely for it, and then asking people to accept that love as the only thing that can make a person righteous. I say it's beautiful.

In books like Velvet Elvis, the writer elevates his own agendas more than the truth of Christ in some areas. I think we need to take care of the Earth God gave us, because we are thankful to God for it and want to be responsible stewards. However, this is not a major teaching of Christ. The Bible makes it clear that the two most important commands are loving God and loving people. The third is not to keep the Earth healthy. In order to make it that way, you have to abandon truth and establish your own agenda. This kind of thing makes me so sad.

The Conclusion

The problem with any false teaching is that it always brings down the Sufficiency and Supremacy of Jesus Christ. In the first few centuries Paganism, Gnosticism, and Judaistic Legalism all asked people to put their trust in something other than Christ and Him crucified.

Conservatism misses the mark: For God so loved the world that He sent His only son. If we don't love people, we're missing the very motivation Jesus had for dying at all. I believe in Jesus, and I believe everything He said is 100% truth. However, I think that many have missed the implications of Jesus' teachings and instead have used Jesus as a sword to judge others and justify their own lifestyle. But that has nothing to do with the Jesus of the Bible. Jesus loved people deeply, personally, and sacrificially. He calls us to do the same, regardless of a person's beliefs or lifestyle. If we aren't doing this, we can't really say we follow Jesus.

Postmodernism, while beneficial in some ways, can elevate human philosophies, ideas, and "innovations" above Christ and His Word. However, the answer is not in new ideas. New approaches are wonderful, but changing the message of Christ is nothing short of damnable. If there are other ways to Heaven than Jesus, evangelism is a silly idea. People dying for their faith in Christ is stupid, and being a missionary is also a waste of time. Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection is the only way to Heaven, and it's my belief in that which makes me share it. I share it because I love people, and I want them to know the beautiful message that Christ came to save us.

Let us not be persuaded by popular religious ideas and mindsets, but rather let us come to Christ: Our Redeemer, Master, Friend, and Comfort.

Be careful that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deceit based on human tradition, based on the elemental forces of this world, and not based on Christ. Col. 2:8.

This is an old admonition from Paul, but let's take it seriously today.

Four Commonly Asked Questions by Postmoderns

I originally prepared this for school based on different conversations I've had with postmoderns. I think these are fairly typical questions people with a postmodern mindset (including myself) like to ask about life, spirituality, and God. I hope these answers can help you a little bit personally, as well as maybe being able to help you articulate how to answer these questions when they are brought up. These are just suggestions, obviously, but I do think they can simply and adequately answer these questions. I hope these answers can help you as these questions come up in everyday conversation as you discuss spirituality with people.

1. Is there really such a thing as “truth”? As long as it works for you, what does it matter?

Many people believe that the idea that there can only be one way to God is intolerant.

However, we don’t apply that same logic with other facts of life. In mathematics, schools everywhere teach that 2 + 2 = 4. But what if there was a kid in a school that thought 2 + 2 = 6? What if he believed that, “well that kind of ‘truth’ may work for you but it just doesn’t for me”. He would fail his class, right? Why? Because we know for a fact that two plus two does in fact equal four.

What about gravity? If I decided, “You know, the law of gravity is just too rigid for me. I don’t think I believe in it anymore”. So, I decided to stand on the top of the Empire State Building and jump off. What will happen? I will very likely fall to my death. Why? Because the law of gravity is bigger than my own private opinion about it. It really doesn’t matter what I think, because truth is not determined by my own thoughts about it.

We know that the law of gravity and mathematics are not determined by us. We just have to do our best to understand them. Yet, when we are talking about a higher power we are talking about someone who created the Earth, people, as well as the laws of gravity and mathematics and all of that. If we can’t make something true on this Earth by our own private opinions, how can we do so about something that created the Earth? Either God exists or He does not, but my opinion about Him cannot change Him one way or the other, just as it cannot change laws of gravity or mathematics.

2. I like spirituality, but how do I know there is a God?

Well, there are many ways God has revealed Himself to people. One of those ways is that as humans we all have some idea that there’s such a thing as right and wrong.

All humans expect other humans to live by a certain standard. For example, say I’m your friend. If I leaned over and punched you right in the mouth you’d be pretty upset with me. Why? You’d be upset because I’m your friend, and friends don’t hit each other. But where did that idea come from?

We know as people that some things are evil, even if the culture we’re in tells us otherwise. For example, if a culture determines morality, we had no right to be angry with the Nazis. They were doing what was right in their own culture. But rather we held them to a standard: that they should not be allowed to torture and slaughter other people. Why? They should know it is wrong as people.

Think about your interactions with people day to day. Most of the time it doesn’t even matter what a person actually does, it’s their intentions that bother us. If someone bumps you on accident when you’re walking and knocks you down, though you’re upset you’ll likely forgive them. But if someone tries to knock you down but misses, though you don’t receive any physical damage you’ll probably be pretty angry. Why? He intentionally went against the standard you expected him to go by as a person.

Christians call this the “conscience”. We believe, based on Scripture, that God gave us this idea of right and wrong to make us question where it came from. We certainly didn’t put it there, yet we were born with it. Simply by the fact that we call some things “good” and some “evil” say that we think some things are in their nature bad and some are good. The God who put this idea in our heads must be “good”. If He were bad, we’d call bad “good” instead. And here’s where it matters: A “good” God would have to reveal Himself to people. And He would have to show us how to know Him and live rightly in this life. We Christians believe God did show Himself, and in fact He came to Earth as a person.

In summary, we all know there’s a right and wrong. If it didn’t come from us, it had to come from a higher power. And this higher power wants us to know Him, otherwise He wouldn’t have put that desire within people. All of this should point us to God.

3. What’s the difference between Christianity and all the others (Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism)? Don’t they all teach not to murder or lie, and to be kind to people?

Yes, basically. As I said before, we all have a conscience built in us by God. This means that people in history who were very aware of their consciences would arrive at the same conclusions. Great philosophers like Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates never taught anything about right and wrong that was anything you’d call a real difference from what Jesus taught. This is because God placed the idea of morality within all of us. Muslims and Hindus both teach we should basically treat people well, not lie, and help people when we can.

But, there is a big difference in all these religions and it all has to do with what happens when we die. Some believe in an afterlife and some don’t. Some agree or disagree about what God is like. These may seem like small matters, but they’re not. If morality is just a way to be happy on this life, then none of this matters anyway. If there is no afterlife, then the idea that “whatever works for you is truth” makes complete sense. But deep down all humans know we weren’t born just to die. We were born to last forever. God didn’t go through all the trouble of making this world and people just for us to last 70 years or so and that be the end of it. If that’s the case then life has no real meaning. It’s here and gone, and whatever happens… happens.

But there is an afterlife with God. Those who believe in this afterlife, with the exception of Christians, believe you basically get there by how well you did in this life. Islam basically teaches that at the end of life there are scales. On one side is your good works, and on the other are your bad. If you did more good than bad, you go to Heaven. If you did more bad than good, you don’t. All other religions teach basically the same thing.

But Christianity is about something completely different. In the Bible God teaches that no person can be good enough on his own. This means that we could never do enough good things to earn our way to Heaven. No other “religion” teaches this.

The Bible is about Jesus. Jesus is God’s own Son. This means that God placed Himself inside of a fleshly person. He did this so He could example how to live this life perfectly. Then, in the end, He was tortured and killed. This was the great sacrifice for all people. Because we’ve all done bad things, we need a perfect sacrifice to pay for those wrongdoings. Jesus did that.

As Christians we don’t believe we’re better than anyone else. But we do believe that Jesus was the only perfect person, and by His death we can be made good enough. In the end what we physically did won’t be what mattered. It will be a matter of who we trusted. Did we trust in Jesus’ sacrifice and way of life, or did we trust in something else?

As you can see, Christianity is completely different than any other religion out there. It’s not so much about beliefs as it is about a way of life based on trust that God alone can make us good enough to go to Heaven because of Jesus. Other religions teach you get to Heaven based on your actions, Christianity teaches you get there by trust in Jesus.

4. Say I did want to consider Christianity. What is Christianity put into really simple terms?

The Bible teaches that God is completely good, and that He made everything that exists. He made people so we could enjoy an intimate relationship with Him. But the first man, Adam, decided to break that relationship with God. God told him not to eat a piece of fruit, but Adam decided not to trust God. When he did that, he sinned. We all do that every day. When we lie, cheat, steal, hurt other people, or act selfishly we’re basically telling God that we trust our way of life more than we do His. This is why the world is full of wars, evil, famines, diseases and anything bad. The world has gone bad because people decided to trust themselves rather than their Creator.

All people who do this, like you and me, deserve to be punished forever when we die. But God loves us. So He came as a person, Jesus, to show us how to live perfectly, and then He paid our price of punishment by being tortured and killed on the cross – for all people everywhere. If we choose to believe in that sacrifice we can be saved from punishment. But belief really just means “trust”.

We have to trust that Jesus paid the price of sin for us, and that God’s way of life is better than our own. That means we have to choose to try and give our lives over to God and trust Him even when His way doesn’t make sense to us.

The point of life is God. If we choose to place our trust in Jesus, we can live life to the fullest extent possible. We will have an intimate relationship with the Creator of all things who loves us personally. Not only that, but we will get to live forever with God because we chose to trust Him. This is Christianity in a nutshell, and if you’d like to study with me about how to actually become a Christian I’d love to look in the Bible with you and see how to do that.

The Gospel Story

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I was recently browsing through a Christian quotes site when, as I was looking through the many categories... "gospel" wasn't on the list. I found this to be very odd. There was humility, religion, contentment, faith and many others, but "gospel" wasn't worthy of its own category. It reminded me that it's so easy to make this religion about anything but the saving gospel of Christ.

Almost every day I find myself wondering, "What is Christianity all about?" I mean, if we were to boil this Jesus thing down to what it is at it's core, what would that be? If someone had never heard of a God, a man named Jesus, or a book called the Bible what could I tell them in a few sentences that life was all about?

I think it's the gospel.

But what is this gospel and what does it have to do with me? I heard this gospel many times and told a thousand different ways growing up. I knew that sin separated me from God, and that the cross somehow fixes that problem. I knew I had to believe on that and give my life to God and be baptized, and somehow I would be forgiven. But it wasn't until I found myself buried in the gospel story in a very personal way that it all started making sense.

I think that if Christianity could be boiled down to one sentence this would be it: I sinned and made myself trash before God... but through Jesus God makes me royalty.

But I had to be brought low for that to make sense.

I remember a time that I read through the Bible searching for new concepts as well as more verses to reinforce my existent beliefs. I was very passionate about them, and I remember being very excited about showing others they were wrong and "correcting" them. My lens through which I viewed Scripture was a theological one. I wanted to know Scripture, but I didn't necessarily want to know Jesus. However, my spiritual life didn't last long on that kind of diet. After about six months I stopped reading, praying, or thinking about God altogether.

And then life went downhill for me. I felt like a jerk in many ways. I remember being humiliated a couple of times, and I remember generally feeling stupid. I sinned... a lot. I don't think I fell away on accident. I think God was teaching me that I couldn't do this thing on my own and that I needed Him... badly.

Here's what I'm getting at: I think every person has to come to the point in their lives when they kneel before the cross in tears... deeply understanding that they have absolutely nothing to offer God. When I came to God and prayed that day, I felt so ashamed of who I had become. I didn't want to barter with God. I didn't want to be more passionate or be more religious. I wanted to be saved. And that's the key.

We all need saving, but I think it takes some of us longer than others to deeply understand that in a very personal way. I don't regret living a life of sin and selfishness because it helped me not to just theologically believe the gospel, but to feel deep down that I needed God and there was no other alternative.

But here's the thing: This lesson didn't stop for me when I became a Christian. I think spiritual maturity is more and more deeply understanding that I am nothing without God, and my identity and approval must come from Christ alone. My life so far has been a process of thinking I can do this life on my own only to fall down... hard. And it's at those moments that Jesus makes sense to me. It's then I have to choose to believe that He loves me anyway, and that He can really make me good enough.

God makes me good enough, even though I'm not good enough.

That's it in a nutshell. This is the essence, the key, the core, the meaning of life. Nothing else matters after this. It's through this lens that I must view God, life, the Bible, and everyone else. It's so hard to do, and when I sin it's because I fail at this. And I do that a lot. But I cannot move away from the cross... ever. Christ saved me at baptism, but that lesson is learned over and over through every meaningful life experience.

Praying the Beatitudes

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I prayed this prayer very often in Russia. It helped me through a time when I could only see life through a negative lens. This helped remind me why I am here.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Today may I not find fulfillment in bread, but on the words of my King. May I strive for these qualities in every decision and opportunity that comes before me today. May my attitude not be of trust in myself, but instead being spiritually bankrupt, requiring everything from the Lord. I want to live today living in the fact that without God I am wretched and worthless. God Almighty alone makes me what I am.

May my spirit be mournful for all the times I break my mighty Father's heart. May I be gentle and lowly of heart, a man of few words. May I be slow to speech, not because I have nothing to say but because every word from my mouth is saturated in humility and wisdom. May I be confident, strong, and courageous yet willing to submit myself in every situation.

May I search and plead for goodness in my life. Any opportunity to serve and be spent, may it be seized without hesitation. May I search Your Word in my heart and continued study to seek Your Character to imitate. May righteousness alone sustain me.

May I speak and act as one who is going to be judged by the law that gives freedom. Because mercy triumphs over judgment in me, may my speech and actions be flowing with mercy in every encounter.

My heart. May it be one that seeks a smile on Your Face. In every decision may I wonder if I made Jehovah smile or not. In every motivation and thought may I seek the good of others and the Kingdom of Christ, seeking every opportunity with the the uttermost fierceness and determination.

May I fight for peace today: unity between brothers, peace with every man and God. May peace be one of my chief desires. May I courageously be an agent of peace... especially when it comes at a heavy price.

May my goodness be so extreme that it offends those who are not. Not because I am arrogant or self-reliant, but because like Daniel my sole object of affection is the Lord Almighty. May the criticism and slander of people be ineffective on my resolution to live for Christ whatever.

Lord, today may I seek You with all my mind, body, and soul. I am in existence as result of Your Unfailing Love. I truly hope that fact affects every decision I make today. Thank You, God of all the Earth.

Today is not my own. It is Yours.

Identity

Update on Life

I guess I haven't written in a long time now. Life's seemed pretty hectic the last few months, and though I kept meaning to update this, I just never did. It's hard to believe the AIMers will be leaving in a couple of weeks. Time has just flown by.

I was reading Amanda Creek's blog and she was talking about how in Russia we seemed to be there forever. Our pace of life was slow there. But now being back in the States she says time just seems to fly by. I can definitely relate to that. I have this constant feeling like I need to be more productive, because I'm just not doing enough.

But I'm learning to be content with that. Seeing the story of Jesus feeding of the five thousand has really helped me. The apostles couldn't feed that many people looking only with their eyes. The numbers just didn't add up. But a little boy gives all he has and Jesus uses it to do wonders. I've just seen that though I can't do everything I'd like, I can still feel good about what I'm giving. And weirdly enough it makes me want to do more, but because I know I'm not perfect. Jesus asks not for perfection but for effort based on faith.



Thoughts

I'm not connected to a Church here as most people would see it. On Sundays I go to a 'service' depending on my situation that day, but honestly it's not that important to me. It's weird because I know this whole Christianity thing doesn't happen in a box or in my private life. It happens in community. But I have that community. I live with three guys who love God like all get out. I'm going to a Bible school and work with young missionaries who want to be disciples of Jesus and make more disciples of Jesus. I love Christ's Kingdom.

I was at a Church a few weeks ago and I overheard an interesting conversation where people were talking about someone who used to be in the youth group there years ago. Someone asked, "Does he go to Church?". I found that to be an odd question, personally. What they were saying without knowing it was that this guy's faithfulness to God could be shown in whether he was still going to an assembly every week or not. I remember when I fell away from God for about six months, I still went to "Church" Sunday morning, evening, and Wednesday evening. I was still "involved", but I was living for me.

My identity had changed from being a Christ-follower to a Church member without even knowing it. As a Church member I was doing great because I did my duty: I showed up. But as a Christ-follower Jesus had become foreign to me. I know longer lived by His teachings nor walked with faith in Him. From the way I see things I think many in Churches today, good people, have made their identity in being Church members instead of Jesus-followers. I'll be honest... this scares me.

It scares me because I don't think Jesus wanted the apostles to go make religious people who did certain religious things. I think He wanted them to make disciples of Himself who would change their complete outlook on life from the inside out based on His death, burial, and resurrection. But today it's just way too easy to have all the trappings of being religious without being truly transformed by the gospel of Jesus. I've been there. I feel like in some ways I'm still there.

If my identity is being a Church member, all I have to do is the religious things my Church does and asks of me. But a Christ-follower requires a lot more: my heart, sacrifice, love, and complete devotion to a God I cannot see. This is much more difficult, but it's the only thing that makes sense.

Now I'm not saying all people who go to Church are like this. I know many ardent disciples of Jesus completely immersed in serving within an awesome local congregation. But I don't think I'm being too bold by saying this is not the norm within the evangelical world. I feel so burdened walking into buildings called "Churches" and seeing and meeting people (good people, as I said before) whose discipleship is based on what happens once a week in that building. It's hard to know what to do or say to them. I think God loves them and that He brings people to Himself whether I do anything or not, yet there's this part of me that sees that something needs to be done.

I try not to focus on this for very long. It's always easier for me to point out the problems of others without looking inward. What I want to do with these thoughts is to be inspired even further to help others get closer to Jesus as I'm trying to do the same. And so with every encounter I really pray I focus on being Jesus and sharing Jesus. But I pray for the Church and myself, that we can learn to bring our focus away from buildings, ceremonies, and traditions and on to Christ.