5 days ago
Monday, August 11, 2008
Sinus Infection... Or Something
Yes, I'm very sick. I'm feeling a little better right now, but last night I was miserable. I laid on the couch with a pounding headache that wouldn't go away for a long while, and I could hardly breathe. I hate being sick, because I never get just a "little" sick. I usually feel like death is coming for a day or two, and then it just goes away. As I laid there, all I could think about was how much my head hurt and how nothing seems to be making it feel better. I was dreading going to sleep that night, wondering if I would sleep at all. At that time it seemed like I was always going to be sick, like it would never get better and I would always have this stupid headache.
And then I thought of Jesus. While last night for me felt like Hell, it was small beans compared to His last few days before His burial. I couldn't think about anything but the pain last night. But I wonder what Jesus thought about? I wonder how powerful His love must be to sit there and continually take it in that painful haze of beating beaten and made fun of, betrayed and tortured. It wasn't glorious or neat. It was messy. And it hurt.
I can't even imagine being that sick to help another person, let alone dying gruesomely for someone. Jesus always puts things in perspective, doesn't He?
Any time I start thinking I'm a big deal, I look at the cross and realize I put Him there. When I start beating myself up and feeling guilty, I look at the cross and see how much God loves me and wants to forgive me. And when I start feeling stale about my spirituality, like I'm bored with it or that I just don't feel very passionate that day... I always go back to the cross. I have to sit and think about how much trouble God went through to bring people back to Him. He gave up so much, because He loves us. I can at least put a little effort into praying when I don't feel like it, or reading my Bible when it feels dull.
I love the cross of Christ, because every day it gives absolute meaning and purpose to my life.