Monday, August 11, 2008

Sinus Infection... Or Something

Yes, I'm very sick. I'm feeling a little better right now, but last night I was miserable. I laid on the couch with a pounding headache that wouldn't go away for a long while, and I could hardly breathe. I hate being sick, because I never get just a "little" sick. I usually feel like death is coming for a day or two, and then it just goes away. As I laid there, all I could think about was how much my head hurt and how nothing seems to be making it feel better. I was dreading going to sleep that night, wondering if I would sleep at all. At that time it seemed like I was always going to be sick, like it would never get better and I would always have this stupid headache.

And then I thought of Jesus. While last night for me felt like Hell, it was small beans compared to His last few days before His burial. I couldn't think about anything but the pain last night. But I wonder what Jesus thought about? I wonder how powerful
His love must be to sit there and continually take it in that painful haze of beating beaten and made fun of, betrayed and tortured. It wasn't glorious or neat. It was messy. And it hurt.

I can't even imagine being that sick to help another person, let alone dying gruesomely for someone. Jesus always puts things in perspective, doesn't He?

Any time I start thinking I'm a big deal, I look at the cross and realize I put Him there. When I start beating myself up and feeling guilty, I look at the cross and see how much God loves me and wants to forgive me. And when I start feeling stale about my spirituality, like I'm bored with it or that I just don't feel very passionate that day... I always go back to the cross. I have to sit and think about how much trouble God went through to bring people back to Him. He gave up so much, because He loves us. I can at least put a little effort into praying when I don't feel like it, or reading my Bible when it feels dull.

I love the cross of Christ, because every day it gives absolute meaning and purpose to my life.


how to invest stock market said...

very cool.

alisha dawn said...

I try to think of that when I'm sick or feel cruddy about life.
Maybe God lets us get sick sometimes so we can think about Jesus and how we actually have no idea what kind of pain he went through, because ours is not much compared to His!
woohoo I love Him!

Anonymous said...

I didn't think that other people experienced the feeling like things are stale... even when I know that it shouldn't be.

I haven't been able to really figure out what to do with that feeling... of things being stale. Or maybe it's just me...

Anyway, this helped some.

Thanks Joshua.


Anonymous said...

Good Post Joshua... I think it is important to look at the price that was paid on the Cross for us that struggle with sin. My take is that if a person is going through a tough trial and repentance, the cross is a great place for inspiration. How painful was it to send your son to the cross like this. Jesus did this reluctantly. he said " not my will but yours ". I think it is important for each of us to put ourselves on that cross and do the Fathers will also.

God Bless

Larry Bob

Joshua Tucker said...

Alisha - Hey :) Yeah I love to try to look at all the things in my life to see what's going on spiritually. I love Him too. :)

Amanda - I miss you! My emotional zeal for God definitely fluctuates a lot. I think sometimes we mistake that emotion for passion. I'm passionate about Jesus, but many times that just shows up in me trying to treat people well or praying for others. Especially coming back from Russia I felt blah about a lot, but that didn't mean I loved God less. I hope you can work through it and feel good about your spirituality - I know you're a sister who loves Jesus and I think it's obvious in all you do!

Larry Bob - Thanks for your comment. I agree. I think the gospel story is the best place to go for inspiration and motivation and purpose. I see how Jesus let Himself die and be poured out for me, and in turn it makes me want to die to myself and pour out my life for God. Thanks for your perspective.

Cristo Para Ecuador said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thanks, Josh...

I hope I can feel that I'm at a good place, once again...too.

I miss being around a team of people who are all solely focused on doing what Jesus did...

I've got my hubby, of course, but I still miss that small community we had. That doesn't really exist here.

I'm going to work on some things though... more self control in my daily habits is a big one. Such as less time on me...more time on Him.

Thanks for your posts... they really fill the Josh void. :)