I'm preaching today.
At the Bible School I go to (www.sibi.cc) we have preaching labs where we practice speaking. I enjoy it, but I always get so nervous beforehand. I don't think nervous thoughts, but my gut starts turning and I can't stop shaking my leg. Oh well.
I've really enjoyed this term of school. It's hard being inside one room all day long Monday through Friday, but I do enjoy the privilege of studying God's Word every day. Still, sometimes it's easy for me to "leave school at school". I love Bible school, but sometimes I don't take it home into my everyday actions. Why do we do that? It's stupid, whatever the reason.
Sometimes I feel like I struggle more with following Jesus being a minister or Bible student than I would just working at a normal job. That's probably not true, but it feels that way. I can be impatient or just plain mean sometimes. And then I stop and think, "Did my 8 hours of Bible do nothing to me today?"
It's so easy to have a theoretical faith, I think.
I hate this more than anything else in my spiritual life. I can teach great lessons, pray heartfelt prayers, and be so passionate about living for Jesus... but still act like a jerk. I know God's working on me, but sometimes it feels like I'm regressing or something. How I wish godliness were more than a word I studied or taught, that it was a characteristic of who I am as a person.
I think, though, this is a good place to be because it makes me humble. If only I would stay here a little while and stop getting big-headed my life might just turn out alright. I love this state, because here I don't pray because I should but because I need to. I need God so very desperately, but life distracts me and I get to focusing on myself a little bit. I praise God for down days that teach me I'm not God but He is.
2 weeks ago