Monday, September 8, 2008

My Heart

It's such a difficult thing to have a consistently good heart. Last week I taught class going through the four soils, and I so badly wanted to be the good soil. I want to be the kind of person who loves knowing God and looks forward to hearing what He has to say. I want my life to be about God and not about me. But that's so hard, isn't it?

I wonder how Paul felt. The guy wrote like half the New Testament. I think I would be so arrogant if I wrote something in the Bible. I'd go around casually mentioning it in conversation to have people tell me how awesome I was. If someone ever questioned my motives I'd be like, "Hey, did you write any Scripture?" I get to feeling pretty good about myself after I teach a good lesson. I can't imagine writing a novel or a piece of the Holy Scriptures. I understand why Paul talks so much about how little he's worth, and how awesome God is. I think he was reminding himself of the truth so he wasn't tempted to think otherwise.

I pray so much about my heart. God is continually using circumstances and people to humble me. It's so hard in those moments when I realize I'm not a big deal. It always hurts. But I'm so happy afterwards, because it's at that place I can grow and be aware of God's voice. It's only there that God can use me. Pride is such a disgusting thing in others, and even more disgusting within myself. I pray that God can continually purify my heart so that He can do something with me. I pray that I can get out of the way so that I can genuinely love God and other people.


alisha said...

I like how open you are with everyone about that. Pride can destroy people so easily, satin uses it so well. I'm glad we have such a mighty God to put us in our place. The same mighty God who can show us we are nothing, also gives us grace that continues forever, how awesome!
Thanks for your encouraging letter. I want to be that soil too.



I like your heart!


Sergei said...

I found a treasure finally! It's here. All this time I wasn't able to see what's going on in your heart Josh and now I'll know(gonna read a journal from the beginning). I just love you so much brother! It's so encouraging being able to see your way.

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