My Heart

It's such a difficult thing to have a consistently good heart. Last week I taught class going through the four soils, and I so badly wanted to be the good soil. I want to be the kind of person who loves knowing God and looks forward to hearing what He has to say. I want my life to be about God and not about me. But that's so hard, isn't it?

I wonder how Paul felt. The guy wrote like half the New Testament. I think I would be so arrogant if I wrote something in the Bible. I'd go around casually mentioning it in conversation to have people tell me how awesome I was. If someone ever questioned my motives I'd be like, "Hey, did you write any Scripture?" I get to feeling pretty good about myself after I teach a good lesson. I can't imagine writing a novel or a piece of the Holy Scriptures. I understand why Paul talks so much about how little he's worth, and how awesome God is. I think he was reminding himself of the truth so he wasn't tempted to think otherwise.

I pray so much about my heart. God is continually using circumstances and people to humble me. It's so hard in those moments when I realize I'm not a big deal. It always hurts. But I'm so happy afterwards, because it's at that place I can grow and be aware of God's voice. It's only there that God can use me. Pride is such a disgusting thing in others, and even more disgusting within myself. I pray that God can continually purify my heart so that He can do something with me. I pray that I can get out of the way so that I can genuinely love God and other people.